October 25, 2004

Saturday night I had some amazing phonesex. I'm not sure really what made it so much better than usual, it was with a guy I talk to quite regularly, who is blazingly hot and who I am crazy about. I hadn't planned to cum at all that night, the attention was supposed to be totally on him. But he turned the tables on me after he came (not that I'm going to complain) and I ended up cumming really hard, and with a lot more volume than I usually let out, being as I have housemates. Generally, if the intesity is to a point that I just can't be quiet about it, I hold a down pillow over my face to muffle the noise.

I got home from being out and about somewhere around 5:30 yesterday evening, and my housemate was watching "Love, Actually" on my TV, so I sat down and watched it with her. We chit-chatted idly during it, she hasn't been sleeping well, so I asked her how she had slept the night before, and the conversation went like this:

HouseMate: Well, the dog woke me up about midnight, and something else woke me up around three
Me: Oh?
HM: *meaningful glance*
Me: Ohhhhhhh.... Oh gosh, I'm so sorry *covering my face with my hands*
HM: Yeah, I woke up and was like, well, she's having fun.
Me: Oh, gosh, wow, I'm sorry.
HM: Don't be embarrassed, I'm sure [Husband] and I have done similar...
Me: No, I've never heard you.
HM: Oh. Well I heard you...
Me: *totally embarrassed* Yeah, well, um... [Ex-boyfriend, we'll call him CB for this post] messaged me the other day and said he was thinking about me and wanted to get together...
HM: So was CB on the computer or on the phone last night?
(this is where I realize not only did she hear me, but she knew he wasn't actually there with me, and get even more embarrassed)
Me: Um, yeah, he was on the phone... Doing that on the computer doesn't do it for me...

She said something after that that I don't remember, and then thankfully we re-immmersed ourselves in what we were watching and the subject was dropped... But oh man... I need to remember that I share a wall, and that I need to hold the pillow a little bit tighter in the future. Thankfully we're all adults in the house, and we do a lot of good-natured ribbing, so it's not like she was upset or anything, but still...

October 15, 2004

I've been having phonesex for years, and it's different with every person, just like it would be in real life. And it's somewhat strange to me that I can be so very different with each of these men. Sex formed with words can be very powerful, seeing as your largest sex organ is your brain, and each one stimulates me in a different way. Some of them are romantic and gentle and slow, with words that caress me and make me feel like a treasure... And some men pound into me with what they say, biting, scratching and fucking themselves into my brain. This has given me tremendous insight into what turns me on, without having to live with a bruise I didn't like but got in the course of exploration, or having to have too many awkward moments.

You'd think after doing it for so many years that I'd have gotten past the awkward shy side of myself that has a hard time talking about sex, or any embarrassment over the fact that I'm about to masturbate over the phone with someone, or the feeling that what I'm doing isn't right somehow... I get over it, and generally have a great time, but you'd think I'd have stopped struggling with it by now.